Ah, Armory Week. Nothing beats rushing around to about five different fairs, briefly greeting everyone you’ve ever met, and being at least a touch hungover while you do it all. Or, perhaps you’re a gallerist on the sales hustle, in which case just replace “rushing around to five different fairs” with “cooped up in a single booth.”
Anyway, it hurts but it’s worth it to see masterpieces, discover new artists, and people watch. If we’re being honest, isn’t the people watching kind of the most fun part? After all, what’s the point of spending hours rubbing up against each other in art-filled aisles if we’re not going to use at least some of that time to silently judge our fellow fairgoers? In that spirit, here are some of the best lines overheard this week throughout the halls of the fairs and beyond.
Artist: “I’ve figured out I have a PR problem. I have the art, I have the collectors, but no one knows who I am!”
Man to me: “I love your dress. Congratulations!”
Woman: “I want to go to the thing now.”
Man: “To the party?”
Woman: “Yes.”
Gallerist: “You can’t let the billionaires have all the fun.”
Woman, regarding the food at ADAA: “Oh my! There’s a line.”
Gallerist: “Cash me ousside. How bow dah?”
Man: “I feel like we’re in all the wrong places at all the wrong times.”
A waitress, regarding the food at ADAA: “Oh my god, people grab it away so frantically.”
Man: “Can I show you my Grindr real quick?”
Woman: “I’m reaching into my bag of tricks so I can give you a business card!”
Woman: “You look so cute. I’ve been here all day. I look absolutely disgusting.”
Man: “Whatever happened to that woman who got stabby at Art Basel? Did she go to jail?”
Woman to Uber driver regarding her husband: “He’s over there smoking weed, so please just hold on a sec.”
A waiter to me, regarding the food at ADAA: “Miss, please just use the tongs next time.”
photo // Teddy Wolff | Courtesy of The Armory Show
